Romance and sexuality: How can sex enhance a long term relationship?

Sex is wonderful, but complicated. When we deal with sex, we are dealing with the most powerful of the human instincts. It’s a force of nature and it is so much more than just “fun”.

So that means be careful. Like fire, it needs to be handled thoughtfully, and like fire, it can be difficult to control once it gets going. If you want sex to enhance your relationship, make sure you know what you both want. So only begin your sex when you really want to deepen your relationship, not just because you want sex. Often we will begin the sexual part of our relationships before the emotional part has had time to develop: then we are surprised and shocked when the relationship fails – “but we had such good sex!” If you are serious about your relationship, and you intend for it to go far, then you need to be open and considered about sex from the start.

There are two main types of relationship sex. One is to bring the two of you closer together – a sort of emotional, intimate sex – and the other is to prove to each other and yourselves that the desire still burns in you. It is a good idea to have both forms – and never to have the third, the “sex because frankly we probably ought to and we’re bored” sex, which in fact destroys relationships. You need to take time to be tender, loving and intimate, with date nights that are a feature of your lives until you are 94 and too old; and you need to surprise each other with lustful, animal sex – and you need to do this until you are 94 as well. You need to know that you are loved and wanted, and so does your partner.

Within this, you must always pick your moments or your nights. You must be sensitive and aware of your partner’s moods and desires. That means: before sex can enhance your relationship, your own thoughtfulness and sensitivity must already be doing that. Sex isn’t – ever – just about you, it is always the both of you, together.

And communication is so important. You need to be aware of your changing desires, and your partner’s. As you grow into your relationship, and as you grow older, you will change. So will they. Be aware of it. Anticipate it with regular, honest communication. Communication has an added benefit when it comes to sex: fantasy. Discussing fantasies is a brilliant way to keep desire and lust alive! The intimacy of a private, shared fantasy helps to build the exciting safety of relationship sex.

Sex and relationships are so private that they are difficult to give advice on. However, if all this could be reduced to one word, it would be: talk. Talk, talk, always talk. Talk and listen. That way your relationship will enhance your sex and your sex will enhance your relationship.

Article source: http://www.helium.com/items/1804539-sex-enhance-relationship

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